Coming down.


  In my dreams I am unwanted. I am a witness of disaster. I am as helpless as ever. In my attempts to make things better I am left in the lurch. I wake up crying because I am diminished in every way. I am trying and it isn't enough. I am catastrophic, a burden, running for my sake. I feel my worth slipping away. The shivering loud noises and deluded demeanors. The blown-up buildings and lacking brightness. I see their disapproving faces, I hear their thoughtless, ignorant words breaking my shell...
  And I crack. // I try my hardest to run. I get in the lift and we tremble until we reach the top floor. I get out and she doesn't see me. It's an office-like interior and I see unfamiliar objects sitting where I have been replaced. She's busying herself. She's on the phone, laughing and smiling. I tuck myself in a corner of the room, and claim defeat as an onlooker. She's moved on, and I should be happy. You see, this happiness is possible because it excludes me. I was the sorry surprise, one that weighed her down. She gave me everything and I will never stop loving her. I will always watch over her, but I'd wish I had never existed.


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A huge shoutout to my readers who acknowledge my efforts, and continue to spur me on. I can't thank you enough! The words I receive in turn are so heartwarming. To have come so far from a homemade blog back in 2011, to know that I have reached out to others - it fills me with mirth; say, a cause for my existence. I hope you enjoy paging through this blog, as much as I find repose from pouring myself into it. And don't be shy, I'd really like to hear from you!
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