Coming of age.


  Whilst I visited my Dad and grandma in January, I got around to sifting through hundreds of old photos. I've taken back a few for keepsakes' - nothing compared to the gigantic wooden chestbox of countless memories. My brother and I looked at them today, to relive our childhood once again. It's funny because I don't remember it all that well, apart from the significant stage of growing up in Sydney. (Now, that, is vividly embedded in the depths of my mind.) Goodness, I was so young. Then again, we all were. It really goes to show that time flies at the speed of light.
  There's only one hour left till my lovely brother turns 18. He's officially going to be all grown-up. He may not see it the way I do, but I reckon it's a sure milestone for him. (He's been back home to finish up some tertiary studies, before he is required to serve the army in August. I hope he'll get on well in there, even though he's already fit as a fiddle.) I definitely can't wait, on behalf of my brother, for the exciting opportunities he shall face as a fresh-faced adult. 


  I honestly love my brother with all my heart. I know I'm genuinely lucky to have him, especially on such an profound emotional level. We have been through so much together, and out of many times, he has pulled through with such strength. He is truly a good lad and deserves the best. These years may be tough for him, but I will support him along the way - whatever he decides to be. I mean, I can't imagine the day where he'd be properly clad in working attire, on a daily basis. Or even, if he finally finds a girl and falls in love with her - when he gets married, has kids and I become an aunt. Or if he dedicates his life to his passion for automobile vehicles. (A high probability actually. That's cool too.)

  We talked for ages tonight, like we usually do when we're alone. It was yet another valued, comfortable conversation that I always cherish from time to time. I love how we can talk about absolutely anything. It's so great. But I'm scared that him growing up will potentially mean losing our bond; I can now see how his overprotectivity relates to mine, too.
  And blimey, I'll be sixteen this year. Sixteen. (Not much significance as compared to my brother, but still.) Look where I am now. I've presently been at the peak of my youth and have sufficiently felt so for the past several months. Once I turn sixteen I'll have less limitations and more decisions to make for myself. I can't even comprehend how I'm at the prime of my teenage years. Not to mention, 2014 itself has already been the beginning of more responsibilities. (I've been keen on trying to get my first job after exams, and learning to be independent. The latter, I deem as a true challenge.)

  But I'll come clean; I don't want to grow up. Right now, I'm currently swamped with school work. Exams, exams, exams - they're nearly around the corner. We've been confronted with examination advice, information seminars, educational pathways, university expectations and even career expos. Do you know how scary that is, at this age? That all requires me to come to terms with my future, and what career path I plan to embark on. It all seems so stupid and pointless to me, but that's only considering my lack of willpower to deal with the future. Adulthood is the equivalent of a looming raincloud that will rain on my parade, hence it being something I barely look forward to. The future seems too far away, bleak and awfully vague. Perhaps I'll be indifferent to the idea in a couple of years, perhaps I won't. Who knows.

  What about you? Do you ever find yourself worrying about growing up? And how have you, if ever, dealt with siblings finally growing up?

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3 comments:

  1. Oh Rachel, I love posts like this. So many memories come up when I read what you say about your brother and you growing up. Please, don't ever really grow up... be independent, be responsible... but don't grow up. That's no fun! ;)

    No but for real, I feel you. Being the youngest, and having siblings like that feels like a privilege to me. And it's so wonderful how you can be so happy for your brother and root for him. That's really cool. I didn't quite have such a bond with my sister, maybe I did with my brother (my sis and I are 5 years apart). But I wasn't quite the bright, cheerful soul as you are when I was 15. So cherish it. It's a blessing having someone so close to you.

    Well great, now I sound like an old catlady. :p Have a good weekend!! xx

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  2. This is an amazing post. Going down memory lane is always amazing, just seeing how much you & the people you love have grown.
    I'm currently the oldest of al my siblings, so I have no clue what being the baby of the family feels like, haha.

    It's totally okay to be scared of growing up, we all are. But it's another chapter of life that will be amazing & full of new experiences & love. :)


    x leah symonne x


    www.itsleli.com

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  3. You writing is so engaging. I couldn't stop reading, really well done! It's such a beautiful moment, going back in time reliving the good ol' days, even if you don't remember them! It's wonderful to see the life your parents, and / or brother had before you were even able to say your first word.


    http://naturallyjes.blogspot.com.au

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