Already gone.

  We had to bid farewell to a dear friend of ours, today. She's moving to Sydney and I know she will love it there. (I used to love it as a child; I highly doubt it will disappointment anyone, so she'll be safe.) Anyway, it was an emotional time but I couldn't bring myself to cry. Everyone was there shedding tears and there I stood, appearing to be heartless. It didn't feel like a reality - it's like being aware of an occurring dream and refusing to wake up. I guess I was also kind of at a loss of what to do. There were many things billowing my mind, yet that's not an excuse. Hence I feel terrible for not expressing as much love towards her as I should have. I am going to miss her, very very much. I hope she knows.

  I think that's what I genuinely hate the most. Saying your final goodbye to someone as you part ways. I've had to do that considerable amount of times, in the span of the past few months. Who hasn't? People have had to move (on), both in terms of physical and emotional distance. It's unfair to say the least, but I know life can be this rough battlefield of rumbling and tumbling I need to buck up. In spite of the reasons that led to us facing such a situation, I know I will carry a piece of them wherever I may go. Whether our goodbyes were bitter or as heartbreaking as can be, each person who has come and gone in my life has meant something. 

  That's what I've managed to figure out: no matter how minor an effect someone has had on me, all of them have taught me something either about life or about myself. And for that, I am thankful. (Good to be thankful, kids.) And that's why I still didn't come to crying as I sat alone in a corner, all to myself, watching everyone leave and drive past. It seems I've developed this numbing resilience to such events, because there has been far too many of them in my lifetime. 

  I was indeed upset for the past 72 hours, but I'm fine now. I'm better, and that's all that is important. I appreciate the concern people express. I really do, thanks. (But there's never enough room for all the feelings in this whole world, hey?)

  So next time you say goodbye to someone, keep in mind that it could very well be your last. x



  1. You have changed your comment section! :o I was at loss where to comment, and suddenly it came out haha. But that wasn't what I was meaning to say. I think you're so well spoken for someone your age. I really don't feel that I am older than you, reading all this. And I think it's amazing that you can actually hold back those kind of emotions because as soon as anyone in the room starts crying, I'm with them... It's like when someone starts yawning. I don't know what it is, but I just instantly feel bad if I see someone crying. Let alone have to say goodbye to someone... then the waterworks usually break loose. And with the amount of moving around that I did in my life, I think I cried a lot...(like really, a shit ton) Sigh...

    But you are so very right indeed, I think it actually is sometimes so unfair not to see someone again. I think having a good connection with another human being is precious, and I really hate it when something like that stops.

  2. Shannon Broderick4:40 am, April 05, 2014

    well spoken as always rachel! friends moving away is hard, but letters and facebook and skype are wonderful things, and when you get to see them again? it's the best thing in the world, and you truly cherish the time spent. i'm glad that you are happier now xx

    Little Blue Backpack

  3. Beautiful, beautiful piece Rachel. It's something that I've learnt also - relationships, moments, friendships can all be fleeting moments but were a part of our life for a reason, so we must cherish those moments and take away as much as we can from the experience.

    PS I would like to commend you on YOUR music taste!

    bianca xx

  4. It sucks doesn't it? But I guess to look on the bright side, we're thankful for the friends we still have by our side. You put such an awkward numbness to words perfectly, I definitely can relate ♥

  5. I totally agree. My best friend moved across the country last year (why is NY so far away?) and while we had one tearful conversation before she left, when she was actually leaving neither of us shed a tear. It didn't mean we loved eachother less, we were just a little numb. This is such a great and well written piece Rachel! You really make us think! As @Louise (0023am) said you are wise beyone your years.

    I also like your new Disqus comments :)


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